Hello all!! I know that anyone who is anyone knows that we moved into a new house just a few short months ago. I just thought that I would let anyone in a little secret. The house, which I had previously thought was a just a giant sucking void of repairs and money, appears to be paying me back!! I am not kidding.
A few months ago we had this little energy assessment thing. They came. The put a blower on the door to check the pressure seal of the house, and took thermal pictures and what not. (I am fairly certain this was all for show). Then, a little man, who may or may not have a degree of any kind, but pretends to be a energy expert, comes to the house and tells you all about how energy inefficient your house is, and suggests tightening a few things up (like everything...and new windows). Generally it is estimated to cost about 1 million dollars, but they give it to you in small units that you can't do easy math on like, don't worry, it will only cost you 1.41 cents per therm for every kilowatt hour that you use over the base rate of the prior two occupants, after adjustments for inflation. (What the hell is a therm? The amount time that it takes to locate the thermometer when the pediatrician is on the phone and the baby is screaming? And what is a kilowatt hour? I go to the gym, and I am pretty sure that it takes like at least a pound of fat an hour on the treadmill to make a kilowatt) Anyway, after taking all their measurements of our house, they informed us that we basically live in the tent. And not the good kind that they take up Everest, the kind that they sell at Walmart for teenagers to take to the lake and drink and screw in and forget to bring home.
So long story short, they came and insulated the house, put stuff in the walls and what not, and told us we were all set. We were sure that we still lived in a tent. But, this month, our electricity bill was just 100$. (And to be fair, we do have 3 computers and an air conditioner and a pool). But, this is not the amazing part. The energy bill for July/August for the people who lived here last year..400$. We are using less energy!!!
So, this appears to be a government program that is aimed to improve energy consumption, and ACTUALLY APPEARS TO BE WORKING! I am fairly certain that this a sign of the Apocalypse.
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The real improvement in your energy bill is a result of the methane gas produced by JC's diapers which enters the air flow, moves through the AC unit, and reduces the BTU's necessary to lower the air temperature by one therm/kilowatt hour of body heat produced while waiting for the pediatrician's answering service to spell your name and repeat your phone number. Scientific Proof: the previous owners had no children of diaper &/or pediatrician office age.
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